Teenage Mutant Ninja... Mutants

reviewed Sun, 23 Jul 2000

X-Men succeeds in doing what another "X"-cult movie failed to achieve: it entertains even those who never saw the original source material.  Also it has not one, but two hot men, wearing skintight black vinyl.  Take that, Mr. Non-ass-showing David Duchovny!

The bodies of Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) and James Marsden (Cyclops) made me wish this had been XXX-Men -- sexy as those black second-skin outfits are, I feel the movie could have done without them.  It also could have done without the Teen Wolf mutton-chop sideburns masking most of Jackman's face.  I suppose this is the female's equivalent to the male complaint that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is covered in blue latex.

Regrettable lack of male nudity aside, X-Men is an entertaining, fast-paced action film that, as I said, keeps your interest even if you've never read an X-Men comic book.  I do have to point out that the premise doesn't totally make sense -- I mean, I can buy that telekinesis or super-fast healing could result from a genetic mutation, but controlling the weather?  Having laser eyes?  Those are superpowers, not mutations.  Oh well, at least they didn't try to blame it on genetically modified foods.

Despite the large number of characters, there's only one annoying one -- whiny Anna Paquin as Rogue.  Jackman does a good job, within the parameters of action-movie acting, and Ian McKellen is always a joy to watch.  I like that the female characters, with the exception of Rogue, whupped ass right alongside the men, without the movie making a big deal out of it.  Speaking of which, I want to have a mutant nickname, too.  Maybe I could be Wonk.

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