So this Megan chick like really knows a lot about movies, cause everything she suggested seeing was like some obscure thing I've never heard of. I've seen two movies all year, and they were both The Phantom Menace --- I just can't get enough of that Jar Jar Binks dude! He's right up there with Ross Perot and Arnold Schwarzenegger in my book. Cause I lift weights for two hours every day. So anyway, she tells me we're going to this movie about a serial killer, and I was like, "neato burrito" and she kinda looked up at the sky and I was all "what?" and she was like, "Just trying to remember what I did wrong in a previous life," like, whatever.
So this movie is called Summer of Sam and it's about the summer when David Berkowitz was killing all these people in New York, and it's a long-ass movie and we went to a late show, which really sucked cause I can't be staying up this late -- I have to be up at 5:00 in the a.m. to lift weights -- I lift weights for two hours every day. And Mira Sorvino is in it -- dude, that chick is hot! I guess the guys in the movie were okay looking... what's-her-name, oh, Megan seemed to like them, though none of them were as buff as me. Did I mention I'm a weightlifter? And one guy has this weirdo hairdo, like punk or something, and all his friends make fun of him and, dude, I can't blame them -- the guy's a FREAK! Oh, and there was this orgy, and I was all, "Dude! Ohhhhhhh yeah!" but then it was over in like 5 minutes.
Well, I gotta go, cause I have to be up at 5 for my weight lifting. Two hours, every day.
********
This is Megan. Don't worry, you won't be hearing from Bill -- I mean, the Iceman -- again. And with any luck, once I convince him I'm moving to Peru tomorrow, neither will I.
Anyway, Summer of Sam pretty much sucks. It's long, boring, loud, pointless, and features Spike Lee's trademark heavy-handed symbolism, homophobia, and misogyny. I walked out after 2 hours because I had a headache, and I'd seen what I came to see, which was John Turturro providing the voice of the dog that tells Berkowitz to kill. And that's a fuckin' hilarious scene, by the way -- I'm not sure that it's meant to be, but it's pretty impossible not to laugh your ass off as a big black dog yells at pudgy, sweaty Berkowitz, "Kill! KILLLLLL!" and then, when Berkowitz replies, "Yes, I will kill," happily wags its tail. I was expecting the dog to say, "Good boy!"
That's pretty much the culmination of a long descent into shrill parody that may or may not be intentional. All anyone does in this movie is scream at other people or have sex with them in an extremely non-erotic fashion that gets nauseating (not made any better by the couple next to me who decided to replicate what they were seeing on screen, as far as I could tell from the slurping sounds). All the characters are hateful or lifeless or irritating as hell -- even Adrian Brody's Richie, the punker, who at first is genuinely sympathetic, turns out to be just as fucked up as the rest of them. Sorry for the language, by the way, but if you took the word "fuck" out of this movie, it would only be an hour long, and that diction is rubbing off on me (can't wait to see what my review of South Park will sound like).
So, in summary: skip this fucking movie and save your fucking money.
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