Ummm... I got a little distracted. A waiter named Penis will do that to you. Anyway, I rented The Straight Story, which actually is more David Lynchian than you've been led to believe. Sure, most of it is G-rated, straight and slow, as Richard Farnsworth makes his way from Iowa to Wisconsin on a lawn tractor to visit his estranged brother, who's had a stroke. But there are flashes of weirdness, too, in some of the people he encounters, like the twin mechanics or the Deer Lady, who comes roaring out of nowhere to hit a deer with her car, then goes into an angry, wailing rant about how she has to drive this road to get to work, and she always hits deer on this road, and she can't help it. "And I love deer!" she shrieks as she speeds back into nowhere.
But mostly The Straight Story is simple and completely void of irony. What you see is what you get. And, frankly, it's a little dull. It can also be irritatingly trite; Farnsworth dispenses words of wisdom and consolation to everyone he meets on his trip, like a benevolent deity dropped from the heavens to clear things up for them. All I could think was, how come all the old people I meet are more like Grandpa from "The Simpsons" than like this fount of kind sagacity? Farnsworth is fine as Alvin Straight, but you get the feeling that a great deal of his performance comes from his age rather than from him. Despite the lethargic pace of the movie, I was moved by the final scene in which Straight and his brother meet. It could have easily drowned in gloppy sentiment, but Lynch underplays it beautifully, and it's very touching.
Despite all the negative reviews, I'd wanted to see The Muse because I love Albert Brooks. His work is uneven, but when he's good, he's very, very good. His whiny, neurotic humor is definitely an acquired taste, though, and if you haven't acquired it, you probably won't like The Muse. Brooks is the only reason to see it, and even he is only sporadically funny. The concept is that Sharon Stone is one of the Muses from Greek mythology (funny, I don't remember any of the Muses being named Sarah) who has come to Hollywood to inspire writers and directors. This is a good gag at first, but it wears thin pretty quickly. And it's a little hard to understand the sacrifices Brooks makes to get her services (suite at the Four Seasons, gifts from Tiffany's, 3 a.m. food runs) when you hear what she "inspired" in previous clients: The American President for Rob Reiner? "Inspired" is not the word that comes to mind. Mainly, it's a device to get funny cameos from top directors like Reiner, James Cameron, and an over-caffeinated Martin Scorsese. I would still almost recommend it as a "if there's nothing else in the video store, it's better than going home empty-handed and watching 'SportsCenter' over and over again like I'm prone to do" rental if it hadn't left a bad taste in my mouth with an inexcusably lame ending. And if it didn't have Andie MacDowell.
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