It sucks... ucks... ucks...

reviewed Wed, 11 Aug 1999 22:44:13 EDT

That was supposed to be echoes, cause I just saw Stir of Echoes, Kevin Bacon's new movie, which has no redeeming cultural value, not even for the Kevin Bacon game, because you've probably never heard of any of the other actors. It's an illogical mishmash of Poltergeist, The Shining (actually, more like "The Shinning" from "The Simpsons"), that part of Flatliners where Kevin Bacon is dead and sees that creepy little boy in the red jacket, and Twin Peaks (cause there's a dead girl wrapped in plastic). What's supposed to be creepy is funny, and what's supposed to be funny is stupid.

As a child of pop culture, I mainly entertained myself during the movie by making Mystery Science Theater-type comments in Ralph Wiggum's voice ("Dead people smell funny"). It's about this kid who sees a dead girl in his house, and then his dad (Kevin Bacon) sees her too after being "hyp-mo-tized," as people in Indiana say it, and she wants them to avenge her murder, which is suddenly the rage in movies, I'm noticing: dead people wanting little kids to avenge their murders (e.g. The Sixth Sense). (Tiffany, by the way, thinks that helper monkeys could prove very useful here -- she maintains that "Justice needs helper monkeys!" But then, Tiffany thinks everyone needs helper monkeys. Especially her.)

Tiffany also asked me to share her favorite parts of the movie:

1. You get to be in Kevin Bacon's brain when he gets hyp-mo-tized -- Tiffany was really excited about that
2. When the little boy asks the dead girl, "Does it hurt, being dead?" (By the way, he says this looking directly into the camera, before you know he's seeing a dead girl, so it's like he's asking YOU)
3. Ileana Douglas hyp-mo-tizes Kevin Bacon while she's stoned (not that you can tell, but she says she is)
4. The freak-ass chick next to Tiffany who kept yelling, whenever something "scary" happened, "OH MY GAAAAWWWW!!!!!" (So if Tiffany calls you up and yells, "OH MY GAAWWW!!" that's why.)

I'd like to add my personal favorite part: when Kevin Bacon first sees the dead girl, he's just turned on the TV. He hits the "mute" button on the remote -- and the dead girl disappears. That's one versatile remote!

And totally off the subject here, but I'd just like to add that I just found out that the fine-looking ass I saw in The Thomas Crown Affair did not, in fact, belong to Pierce Brosnan -- he had a stunt double do that scene! I am soooo disillusioned! What is there left to believe in, when a man's ass is not his own?

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