Guinevere, Trekkies, Get Bruce, B. Monkey, Whiteboyz, Joe the King

reviewed Sat-Sun, 08-09 Apr 2000

Because I have no concept of delayed gratification, I grabbed as many videos as I could carry home.  These are in order of how much I liked them.

Guinevere
I loved this film.  Maybe it's because I identified so strongly with the heroine, Harper (Sarah Polley).  Maybe just because it's a perfectly executed little gem of a movie.  Terrific writing, acting, staging, pacing, and character development.  Polley is excellent as the younger daughter in a family that might as well be called the Passive Aggressives, who finally comes into her own when a much older photographer (Stephen Rea) takes her in.  The seduction scenes between them are unbearably sexy.  The ending, while predictable, is achingly sad.  This film is just heart-breakingly good -- I mean, it's like this guy I knew who said he'd never write a novel because he could never be as good as Melville.  Frankly, I thought he was a cowardly jackass for saying that, but I almost see his point after this movie -- I could never produce anything as finely crafted as Guinevere, and it's daunting to even think of trying.  Not to say that this is the greatest movie in history or anything; it's just exquisitely simple and perfect on its own modest terms.  I cannot recommend this highly enough, especially for young women, who I think will connect with it easily.

Trekkies
This documentary about fanatical Star Trek fans would make a great double feature with Galaxy Quest.  I watched the entire video with a blend of fascinated horror and deep relief that I am not like these people.  And I felt horribly, horribly sorry for the children and pets stuffed into Star Trek clothes, frozen with mortification and dismay.  The Trekkies remind me of a harmless version of those nutso militias -- they can't function in normal human society, so they adopt this fictional, self-selected society where they can't be ostracized because everyone else is like them, and they never have to learn to deal with adversity.  The most disturbing thing is that the most rabid ones don't seem to realize it's a fictional TV show -- that's why I would run screaming in the other direction if I ever stepped into the Star Trek-themed dentist's office shown in the film (same goes for the psychologist and surgeon Trekkies, too) -- I wouldn't entrust something as crucial to my reality as my health to someone who I wasn't sure shared at least a semblance of the same reality.
        The documentary is entertaining in a freak-show kind of way.  It doesn't give you much insight into these Trekkies, but I suppose an in-depth psychological profile would have been a much longer (and scarier) film, and, frankly, I don't care about them that much.  I would have liked a little more insight, though, into why this show in particular became the basis for a new society of misfits.  (I ought to add that I've never seen a single episode of any of the various Star Trek TV series, and though I was dragged to the first Star Trek movie, I don't remember anything about it.)  Best line:  one guy is talking about a Trekkie party he holds every year and how it keeps growing; he boasts, "This year we even had a girl come and everything."

Get Bruce
A documentary (that feels oddly staged) about Bruce Vilanch, the pre-eminent joke writer in Hollywood (he's written for the Academy Awards show for nearly a decade and feeds all the big stars "better lines than a coke dealer").  Not as funny as it should be, and not as revealing either.  Interviews with his friends Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Bette Midler don't really go into much depth; the best part is watching Vilanch bounce jokes off of Crystal or Williams, but those segments are too short.  It ends on a very touching note with his work for various AIDS-related charities, and you can't help wishing the rest of the doc had as much feeling as the last few minutes.  Probably worth it only for movie buffs.

B. Monkey
Not nearly as much fun as a movie with the word "monkey" in its title should be.  I rented this solely because Rupert Everett is in it, so I wasn't expecting much, and my expectations were barely met.  Rupert looks awful, all druggy and old, and they make him wear a pinky ring, like just go ahead and stick a knife in my chest, why don't you.  And he's never even naked.  The story tries to cover way too much ground and doesn't revolve around Rupert, to name just two problems with the movie.  Asia Argento does the pouty Euro-babe thing and shows her breasts a lot as a thief who goes straight when she falls for a mild-mannered elementary school teacher (who in one scene goes to bed with Asia Argento and wakes up with Rupert Everett, which is a switch I'd gladly make).  This film has all the hallmarks of a direct-to-video feature (though I believe it had a lightning-fast theatrical release):  violence, gore, meaningless arty touches, and lots and lots of breasts -- well, only two breasts, but you see them constantly.  (I think I just talked my father into renting this movie.)

Whiteboyz
This no-budget indie is about a trio of white, rural, Midwestern boys acting like black urban rappers.  Amazingly, it's even more annoying than it sounds.  I was tempted to call them "Vanilla Ices in training," but then I realized these guys actually make Vanilla Ice look talented, handsome, and cool as ice.  Within the first 30 seconds, you figure out these guys are world-class wannabe dorks, and then all the suspense is gone.  I made it through 15 minutes before the terrible rapping, "yo muthafucka," and "word up" did me in.  They're not funny for even a minute -- you've seen this "wigga" stuff before, and much better done.

Joe the King
The directorial debut of cute if nondescript actor Frank Whaley.  Not exactly the heralding of a major new talent.  This one got about 20 minutes before I stopped it.  It's just worthless, populated with unlikable characters who do boring things.

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