Pull the plug, already

reviewed Wed, 21 May 2003

Well, I just had a heaping bowl of boring for dinner, served up by the interminable The Matrix Reloaded.  Good god, what a waste of my time and money (especially time; I could feel myself getting older).  I mean, I didn't think the first one was a masterpiece, but at least it was fun.  This movie takes itself far too seriously and lumbers along with stiff pretension, much like most of its cast (particularly Laurence Fishburne).  I guess it's not surprising that so few of the actors showed any real spark; I mean, Keanu Reeves is their god.  (When one character says to Keanu, "You look surprised to see me," I thought, how can you tell?  "Surprised" looks very much like "coma" with Keanu.)  A world in which Keanu Reeves is the human race's savior is not a world in which I want to live.

The first movie's greatest strengths were its energy and creativity, and this sequel has, if anything, backslid.  Why would you possibly think that this movie needed a humongous, smash-'em-up car chase?  So it could be like every other loud, dumb action movie?  Bravo.  Not only do they beat into the ground the camera tricks of the previous movie that have already been parodied ad nauseam, but the Wachowski Brothers seem to have forgotten all the sly cinematic innovation they revealed in Bound.  They're so concerned with finding the next big CGI/high-tech gimmick that they've completely forgotten the basics of movie-making.  Clearly, necessity was the mother of invention for them; much as with Sam Raimi, a little cash does a great deal of damage.

Where the ridiculousness of the stunts in the first movie was playful, here the air of ponderous self-importance just makes them look absurd.  Keanu "doing his Superman thing" is the most ludicrous sight I've seen since Ethan Hawke tried to look like a bad-ass in Training Day.  And I'm sorry, but I can't stop thinking that the premise is just a more pretentious version of Tron, and that makes it very hard to take seriously.

The movie's fights just aren't that thrilling; we've seen them before, plus they just look way too much like a video game.  Keanu is, like, The One, and he never gets hurt, and if he's never in any real peril, then there's no tension, no interest.  Maybe it's because I watched the series finale last night, but I just kept thinking that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" kicks this movie's ass, fightwise.  At least with Buffy (also a Chosen One), the outcome of the battle is somewhat in doubt:  she can get hurt, she can be beaten.  But when Keanu just has to put up his hand to block every bullet and blow, who cares?

Look, folks, you'll rarely hear me say this, but pick up a book or something instead of seeing this movie.  You can get pretty much the same revelation Keanu comes to from John Steinbeck's East of Eden (the greatest novel ever written), and I guarantee you it will be a more edifying, enriching experience.  And you won't be numbed by the throbbing, blaring, techno music or get a headache from the green electronic blinky crap.

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