So I'm a little surprised to report that (1) I actually didn't hate the movie, (2) I laughed kind of a lot, and (3) Rupert wasn't in top form. I think someone a little more tolerant of children, like Stephen, would enjoy the movie more than I did (and he did), but I still got some good laughs out of it. It's a shame they didn't shoot for more of the subtle, adult jokes that the best children's movies slip in, because when they did aim over the kiddies' heads, they usually hit the mark. My favorite scene: a throwaway stuck in the middle of the end credits in which Rupert's henchman attends a "Minion Recovery Group" and is applauded by facsimiles of Oddjob and Herve Villechaize (sorry, the name of his character in Man with the Golden Gun escapes me just now) and by the real Jaws (Richard Kiel) and Mr. T (though I don't know whose minion he ever was).
I don't recall ever seeing the cartoon, so I can't judge how true the film is to its source. It certainly is cartoony, at any rate; you have to relax and accept that if you want to be able to sit through the film without wincing every 30 seconds. Matthew Broderick is nicely, blandly genial; Cheri Oteri and Andy Dick have funny, brief roles. In a desperate search for a love interest who would make Broderick seem manly, the filmmakers came up with Joely Fisher, who has all the screen presence of a damp washcloth and is constantly, annoying filmed in soft focus, like how old is she that she already feels the need for Vaseline on the camera lens?
And then there's Rupert. Rupert, Rupert, Rupert. He looks oddly plastic and Hank Azarian here as the evil (though not nearly evil enough) Scolex, complete with Blofeldian white cat. The corners of his luscious mouth are perpetually pulled down in an uncomfortable-looking way. He does some good mugging -- in nearly every one of his movies, he throws in a few hilarious, blink-and-you'll-miss-them expressions -- in fact, he could have used a few more here. And what the hell is up with his accent? He has the most god-awful American accent I've ever heard, like he's trying to get revenge on behalf of British actors everywhere for the mangled inflections of Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, and other of our illustrious thespians whose names escape me now because I'm really sleepy and can't think of any other American actors who've had stunningly bad British accents in their movies.
Anyway, Rupert is still pretty damn gorgeous, plasticity and all. And now I'm going to contemplate his yumminess. Good night.
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