But the truly shocking, horrible thing about House of Yes is that Tori Spelling isn't the worst thing in the movie. In fact, she's not all that bad. Especially because she's lost the hideous make-up, glaringly fake dye job, and Hollywood-Blvd-hooker clothing that characterizes her appearance on "Beverly Hills 90210." Here, she thankfully hides her emaciated body and unnatural breast job beneath high-necked, long-sleeved, floor-length clothes, and her earnest, overanxious acting style is pretty much suited to the role of a fiancee meeting her in-laws-to-be for the first time.
Not that this is a family anyone would want to marry into. Mom (Genvieve Bujold) is distant and haughty; brother Anthony (some guy) is a neurotic puppy who hits on his brother's fiancee; sister Jackie-O (Parker Posey) is a raving loony. As her name implies, Jackie-O is obsessed with Jackie Kennedy, to the point of dressing like her. This also has something to do with the fact that their father "disappeared" on the day JFK was assassinated. Her brother Marty's (Josh Hamilton) coming home with fiancee Leslie (Spelling) really sends Jackie-O over the edge, and all sorts of unpleasant secrets (namely, incest and murder) come out.
This is really an unpleasant little film. It was
originally a
play, and it retains a stagy, restricted atmosphere. Most of the
acting is terrible -- Posey and the guy playing Anthony have the stiff,
self-conscious air of community theater players, making Hamilton and
Bujold
(who looks a lot more like Jackie Kennedy than Posey does) seem great
by
comparison. The writing is abysmal; with the exception of some
clever
one-liners, it's irritating simple and repetitive, i.e.:
Marty: What does she do all day?
Anthony: I don't know what she does all day.
Marty: How can you not know what she does
all day?
Anthony: What does anyone do all day?
What do you do all day? What do I do all day?
Marty: What DO you do all day?
And so forth.
Plus, the director (I didn't care enough to find out his name) wields symbolism like a two-by-four: it's a dark and stormy night outside -- okay, we get it already. They drink Leibfraumilch ("sweet mother's milk") -- okay, we get it already. Their family's tragedy parallels the Kennedy family's tragedy -- OKAY, WE GET IT ALREADY. And by the way, it's pretty disturbing that when Marty and Jackie's incestuous relationship comes out, everyone's upset, but not for the reasons you'd think: Anthony is upset at being left out, and Leslie seems more upset that Marty cheated on her than that HE CHEATED ON HER WITH HIS OWN SISTER.
And yet, somehow I got drawn in. I was ready to walk out (from sheer boredom and irritation, not disgust) during the first hour, but then somehow the last twenty minutes kept me in my seat (it's very short, even though it didn't feel that way). Not that I'm recommending it or anything, you understand, but there's a certain bizarre fascination by the end.
What's it
worth? Zip. Maybe if someone rents it, and you
don't have to pay for the rental or anything, you might not feel ripped
off watching it.
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