The film is sloppily put together -- in the physical sense -- I swear frames are missing or something, because it kept jumping in the oddest way -- but also in the storytelling sense. The plot is not especially well thought out -- Fraser claims to have learned the lessons from his first few wishes, which inevitably don't turn out the way he expected, yet he doesn't seem especially diligent about applying that knowledge to keep future wishes from going awry. Live and don't learn, apparently. And you can see nearly all the jokes and plot developments coming from miles away. Elizabeth Hurley, in a role that should have been tasty, is just okay -- she looks like she's enjoying being the Princess of Darkness, but she doesn't let us in on much of that fun.
There are a few gleams of a funnier movie, such as Fraser's incarnation as a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and Orlando Jones' imitation of a clueless, Magic Johnson-like basketball announcer. Too short and too few, alas. Most of the jokes seem just a bit off in timing, as though a better pacing or rhythm would have sold the gags. Or maybe they're just too clichéd to make the sale, regardless of tempo. Fraser tries, far too visibly, to sell the jokes with a cartoony intensity. Once again, he demonstrates his peerless skill at taking blows to the crotch. Don't get me wrong -- I like the guy. Which is precisely why I think he could do better than mediocre physical comedy. His depiction of this socially inept dork who wants to fit in and be loved is painful, and I mean painful, but sadly a lot like some people I have known. For instance, his shoes -- clunky wingtips -- look just like the ones this geeky classmate of mine wore to 9th-grade graduation. And his persistent attempts to hang out with his co-workers reminds me a lot of a guy in my class at Duke. (Of course, I have my own deep-seated fears that I'm just like him, just as oblivious to my effect on others, and just as doomed never to get the man of my dreams. Of course, the movie posits that the person of your dreams isn't necessarily the best person for you, and that you make your own fate in life, and that the perfect person for you will suddenly move in next door to you and be as instantly smitten with you as you are with him/her, but they have to say all that crap, don't they, because this is a witless anodyne instead of an intelligent, clever look at the disappointments and yearnings of life.)
Hmmm, what's that taste in my mouth? Oh, it's bitter.
What Fraser really needed to help him reform his personality is not a contract with the Devil, but a phrenology reading, which interprets the bumps on your head to determine your personality. I got one at the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices in Minneapolis this weekend. This multi-functional test not only points out your flaws, it tells you how to fix them. For example, I got a 3 (average) in Suavity; a 1 (deficient) in Execution ("Remove or destroy what stands in your way," the reading helpfully suggests); a 2 (low average) in Alimentiveness (the reading offers this delightfully nonsensical advice: "Too little attention to gastronomic needs may work hardships. Study to enjoy pleasures of dining and assimilating"); a 5 (very superior -- I didn't realize there were degrees of superiority) in Approbation ("Maintain desire to please" -- okay, whatever you say); a 4 (superior) in Perceptives (which inscrutably explains, "Your ability to comprehend size, weight, color, order, number is excellent for certain uses. In other lines you may need more"); and a 1 in Sexamity ("Don't let 'spiritual' idealism or an inferiority complex serve as an alibi for neglect of love. Try to live a normal life," it consoles me). The Museum also provides a chart you can use to assess your fitness for selected careers based on your phrenology reading. I discovered that I have a 66% degree of "perfection" as an author, a 63% degree as a pugilist, and a 65% degree as a Zeppelin attendant. Unfortunately, they didn't have a column for "perpetually disgruntled policy analyst." But then again, I already know I'm 100% suited for that.
I'll further
pique your jealousy by adding that this weekend, I also
got a mini version of the World's
Largest Ball of Twine (Made by One Man
-- an important distinction, since a town
in Kansas claims the World's
Largest Ball of Twine, which, the Minnesota Ball of Twine sniffily
notes,
was made by several people and weighs "considerably less" because it's
made out of plastic twine, not good ol' American twine twine) and a
"Jesse!"
keychain (come on -- how many other governors get their own
keychains?).
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