Yes, the movie is better than The Phantom Menace, but that tells you about as much as saying it feels better not to have a nail driven through your hand. It does start off rather promisingly, with a zippy, multidimensional chase through a richly detailed city (at first I admired the texture of the city -- unlike most of George Lucas' previous depictions of high-density civilization, it looks like people actually live there, with elements of human life like traffic jams, advertising, and high-rises -- but then I realized it pretty much just ripped off Futurama).
But then Lucas displays his Medusa touch with human emotion, spending far too much time with the deadening plot line of callow Jedi-in-training Anakin and Senator Amidala (since when are queens elected and term-limited?) falling in love most unconvincingly in a landscape that looks like loathsome, sentimental hack Thomas Kinkade redesigned the Lord of the Rings sets. Intercut with these scenes are a puffy, furry Ewan McGregor dashing around investigating... something or other. Hayden Christensen as Anakin has mastered petulance and brow-furrowing but otherwise offers little. Poor Natalie Portman joins McGregor, Samuel L. Jackson, and Temuera Morrison (who I like to think of as the Maori Fred Ward) as good actors who are stifled by the special effects and the elaborate costumes (and, in McGregor's case, his beard, which makes him look way too much like an Ewok). Only Christopher Lee is any fun, but the pleasure he provides is obliterated by his character's ridiculous name. I am in awe of every actor in this movie who managed to say the name "Dooku" without laughing.
The odious Jar Jar Binks is onscreen for only a few minutes (but it feels longer). I realized my reaction to him is identical to my reaction to my not-really-boss-since-he-was-humiliatingly-stripped-of-any-real-power-over-me: whenever I saw him, I prayed he wouldn't speak and would disappear as quickly as possible and never return. The plot turns in part on the inexplicable, inexcusable -- for Lucas and for Amidala -- decision to appoint Jar Jar to take Amidala's place as senator. What, no lobotomy patients were available? Did no one recall the events of the previous movie, in which Jar Jar consistently pratfalled (pratfell?) entire armies into mortal danger? Besides, as San Francisco Chronicle columnist Rob Morse put it, Jar Jar "outdoes Trent Lott for ugly stuff on top of his head and stupid stuff coming out of his mouth."
Unfortunately, Jar Jar passes the baton of groaningly obvious, flat jokes to C3PO. I remember thinking this guy was hilarious... twenty-five years ago, when I saw the first movies. Now he's just embarrassing. Particularly during the Chicken Run-ripoff scene in the factory, when C3PO, too, perpetually pratfalls into peril, I couldn't help thinking, à la Danny Glover, "I'm too old for this shit."
Therein lies the problem with the whole movie. I don't like kids' movies, and this is a kids' movie -- a kids' series, really (though -- and maybe this is just nostalgia -- I can't help thinking the first three movies had more complexity and less self-indulgence). But because of my strong attachment to the movies I enjoyed in my childhood (not that strong -- I found myself getting annoyed with the precious little self-referential touches, like McGregor's Obi-Wan scolding Anakin with, "You'll be the death of me." It's a cheap, lazy way of getting a reaction from the audience, like when a performer at your local club or arena says, "I love playing here in (your town's name here)"), I keep going to the prequels -- I can assure you I'll be going to Episode III, grumbling the whole way -- even though, not very deep down, I know better. Maybe the rest of you do, too, but maybe some of you are strong enough to resist putting yet more money into Lucas' pockets and encouraging his ham-handed extravagance. Well, at least I'm cured of the hope that Lucas would make Episodes VII through IX.
I even tried
playing the Star
Wars Pants Game again to entertain myself, but the dialogue is so
poorly
written that even that small pleasure was elusive. A few of the
better
ones:
"I'm haunted by the pants
that you never should have given me."
"I don't like pants -- it's
coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
"Go to the center of
gravity's
pull, and find your pants you will."
"His pants have made him...
well, arrogant."
Back to homepage
Reviews A to F
Reviews G to L
Reviews M to R
Reviews S to Z
Search